Bargainer's remorse

Many of us may be familiar with the term 'buyer's remorse' - it is a condition where the buyer (often male, in my opinion ) overcome by boyish eagerness and glee, spends a considerable amount of money buying something which he sees as potentially revolutionising his lifestyle but in actuality is about as useful to him as a bicycle is to a fish; so then, this buyer, suffering from a weak wallet and a strong ego, continues to firmly reiterate the tremendous usefulness of the purchase when in fact, inside he is overcome by regret and contrition that he gave into a costly and tempting impulse which he will be saddled with for his entire life (a situation that, I am sure most men consider as remarkably similar to marriage).

In this post, I will examine an extension of this phenomenon - the bargainer's remorse. In order to understand bargainer's remorse, one needs to understand the differences between buyer's remorse and bargainer's remorse. While the former is common among men, the latter is mainly felt by women, particularly of Indian origin.
It is the crushing sense of doom that is felt by a women when she feels that she has paid too much for something. See, the quintessential Indian woman is extremely street smart and doesn't like to be taken for a ride by anybody.. so when she goes shopping, she doesn't just buy stuff.. she goes to war, a war which is fought not with money but with wiliness and subtlety.

Indian women don't need to go to fancy schmancy business schools, they just need to go shopping for vegetables.. many world-famous CEOs have actually sought the help of our women to help them negotiate takeover, mergers etc.. So when she feels cheated, it is not just remorse, it is absolute, Armageddon,world-is-ending depression. You may ask, what causes bargainer's remorse.. well, you see, when a women bargains in a shop, she doesn't want an easy win; she wants a crushing victory a la Obama Vs McCain.. so when she haggles with the shopkeeper, if he says "OK, madam, 30 rupees ko lelo", her thirst for blood isn't quenched.. so she audaciously suggests "hmm, 20 rupees or nothing" and the poor shop keeper agrees (anything to get rid of her), she still isn't satisfied.. so she continues to quote outrageously low prices and the shop keeper gives up the fight finally for 10 rupees.

Now, one would think , battle is won! Attila the Hun got her stuff for quarter of the price and the shop is splattered with the owner's blood. But see, the woman gets her stuff and walks out and suddenly stops and you can see her face changing, the triumph overcome by the dawning realisation that she could have gone much lower and gotten the stuff cheaper! That is bargainer's remorse and unlike buyer's remorse, will be shared with everybody and is only soothed by constant reassurances that she got the best deal and any further would have greatly endangered the mental and financial well being of the shopkeeper!

The Charm of the Snake

Over the weekend, Diwali was upon us and gone..


When it comes to Diwali, we all remember the usual festival accompaniments like
sweets, the upset stomach that follows the sweets, new clothes, showing
off the new clothes etcetera..


But what I was particularly nostalgic about were the crackers - specifically, the Snake Tablets.
Now, I am not what one could call a cracker buff; in fact, during Diwalis, I was the annoying co-celebrator who kept fussing about the danger of crackers, mouthing public service ads like the ones seen on Doordarshan - "be careful! Don't hold the sparkler so close to your body"!
Suffice to say, my parents did not have to worry about me turning into a pyromaniac..


But the only kind of crackers (if you could call them that!) that I was fascinated by were Snake Tablets.. the reasons are easy enough to guess - 1) they don't make noise 2) there is no danger of getting burnt by them.. but the most important reason why they are so close to my heart is because they fulfilled every child's penchant for destruction & mess..


Snake tablets come in deceptively innocent looking matchboxes and look like black Hajmolas.. but don't be fooled by their simple facade.. set them on fire and they transform into the most amazing snake sculptures you could ever see.. catch a bunch of children with their mouth hanging open with awe on Diwali and you can bet that there is a powdery mass of serpentine statues nearby.. and last but not the least.. once the snakes erupt out of the tablet and the kids have had their fill of the black edifice, then comes the second part of festival fun.. stomping on the snake sculptures... children are not known for their sentimentality and there is nothing quite as satisfying as crushing delicate structures and creating a mess!


It is probably the only occasion where the mess creation would not get you into trouble; after all, compared to getting your fingers burnt, setting your neighbour's scooter or your mom's expensive saree on fire, what's a little black mess on the floor, right?